Can You Shape the Money Habits of Your Kids?

The Emotional Journey of Wealth and Parenting 

The emotional depth tied to this topic is primarily derived from our own experiences with wealth building.  

Most people have experienced challenging times on their journey to financial stability, often filled with hardships and sacrifice.  

The goal for many parents is to guide their children in developing responsible money habits, enabling them to avoid similar struggles. 

To delve into this issue, let’s first explore some insightful research that sheds light on the complexities of this topic. 

A study conducted by the US Trust on thousands of high-net-worth families revealed some intriguing statistics about parents’ worries regarding their children’s financial habits:

• 65% of respondents felt there was too much emphasis on materialistic things.
• 55% believed their children were naive about money.
• 52% felt that their children lived beyond their means.
• 50% were worried that their kids’ initiative could be ruined by affluence.
• 49% doubted their kids would be as financially successful as they had been.
• 42% found it hard to see their children take on financial responsibility.

These alarming stats, combined with the anticipated $80 trillion inheritance set to pass on to future generations in the US over the next 30-40 years, have many parents concerned about their hard-earned wealth disappearing within three generations.

The University Of Michigan’s Children’s Money Study  

Another fascinating study from the University of Michigan suggests that children as young as five have distinct emotional reactions to spending and saving money, translating into actual spending behaviours.  

Surprisingly, these behaviours aren’t always modelled after their parents.  

The emotional responses of these children, classified on a ‘spendthrift-tightwad’ scale, were useful in predicting their spending habits and susceptibility to temptation. 

While the data is enlightening, it’s equally important to translate it into the reality of our families and personal experiences.  

Conversations with numerous families have revealed that parents often believe their approach to their children’s financial literacy is unique or better, hoping to shape their financial habits precisely.  

Yet, children are born with individual character traits.  

While parents can guide and instil values, whether these values are adopted remains uncertain. 

Understanding human psychology and its impact on financial behaviour is complex. 

Despite our best efforts to ensure our successors responsibly manage our wealth, no fool-proof plan guarantees success. 

Even within the same family, each child can exhibit vastly different attitudes and beliefs about money.

Guiding Principles for Raising Financially Savvy Children 

When it comes to sharing wealth with your children, the path is fraught with difficulties.  

How do we give without stifling independence? Where do we draw the line between providing and promoting entitlement?  

In the labyrinthine maze of parenting, determining the right way to share your wealth can be as complex and nuanced as parenting itself. This challenge, however, doesn’t mean we are left to wander.  

UBS Wealth Management has put forward three guiding principles to serve as our North Star. 

Before we delve into these principles, it’s worth noting that every family and their approach to wealth sharing are unique.  

We should avoid judging others’ choices and seek inspiration from their experiences.  

The following three keys aren’t rigid rules but guidelines tailored to your family’s values and needs. 

Every person and family has different values that guide their decision-making.  

Take, for example, a friend who went to great lengths to provide everything for his adult children, even risking bankruptcy.  

From an outsider’s perspective, this might seem unreasonable or even imprudent. But, the patriarch of that family, driven by his strong values and love for his family, found it to be the best decision. 

His approach might differ, but his example reminds us to align our wealth-sharing practices with our personal values.  

The goal is not to mimic others’ practices but to design our own wealth-sharing strategy, or ‘operating system’, tailored to our values and aspirations.

Principle #1 – Don’t Give Your Children Everything They Want 

The first principle might seem counterintuitive at first. 

We naturally want to give our children the best, so why should we refrain? However, this principle isn’t about deprivation. 

It’s about teaching our children to value hard work and anticipate future needs. 

Consider this scenario: Your teenage daughter asks for a convertible BMW as a birthday gift. How would you respond?  

It’s a tricky situation, especially if you’re taken off-guard. The key is anticipation and planning.  

With a predetermined plan, you won’t be guilted into complying with demand but can respond with a strategy that aligns with your values and the teaching moment.

Principle #2 – Allow Them to Work

The second principle might stir up feelings of protectiveness. 

We often wish to shield our children from the harsh realities of life, including work. 

But not allowing them to work might breed a sense of entitlement and a disconnect between effort and reward. 

Allowing children to work, even if it’s just doing chores around the house for an allowance, can instil in them a sense of responsibility and a healthy work ethic.  

It’s not about forcing them into exhausting labour but helping them understand the connection between personal exertion and financial reward.

Principle #3 – Let Them Fail 

The last principle, perhaps the hardest for many parents, is to let children fail.  

We often feel the urge to rescue our children from their financial mistakes, but such interventions may prevent valuable lessons. 

Consider a 13-year-old given a large lump sum of money for his school expenses, only to spend it all on a remote-controlled aeroplane. This experience, though painful, provided a crucial lesson about financial management.  

While it’s necessary to provide guidance, allowing children to experience small financial setbacks can teach them about financial stewardship. 

Through such “micro-failures,” they can learn how to manage their finances better and understand the consequences of financial mismanagement. 

There is a balance to be struck here; it’s about allowing your child to stumble and learn, not about leaving them to fall flat on their face.

My Best Tip to Create Lasting Financial Security for Your Children 

The purpose of these principles isn’t to instil a sense of draconian discipline or create penny-pinching children.  

Instead, they aim to foster a healthy understanding of and relationship with money in our children.  

It’s about finding the right balance where children recognise that money is earned through effort and that its management requires prudence and foresight.

To conclude, how we share our wealth with our children is a deeply personal decision.  

These three key principles – don’t give them everything they want, allow them to work, and let them fail – aren’t prescriptive rules but guiding lights to help us navigate this crucial aspect of parenting.  

The real artistry lies in how we customise these principles to our unique family context and instil in our children a deep appreciation for the value of money, work, and learning from failure. 

Remember, we’re not raising children to be just successful but also responsible, independent, and compassionate adults.  

And how we share our wealth with them plays a significant role in shaping these attributes. 

So, as you venture into this journey, keep these principles close, tailor them to your needs, and make your family’s financial literacy journey engaging and enlightening.